LRB

An old favourite of mine - the personals column from the LRB. Who are these people? Who cares - I'm in love with every one of them.

If forced to commit, I’d say I feared geese more than ducks. Man, 47. Fears geese more than ducks.

Yesterday I was a disgusting spectacle in end-stage alcoholism with a gambling problem and not a hope in the world. Today I am the author of this magnificent life-altering statement of yearning and desire. You are a woman to 55 with plenty of cash and very little self-respect. When you reply to this advert your life will never be the same again. My name is Bernard. Never call me Bernie.

Not only will this advert win me the woman of my dreams (25, tall, brunette, fun, likes late nights, computer games and Pop Tarts), it also wins me a place at the grown-ups’ table. Errant son, 18, swapping Dad’s Hustler subscription for this crap for the last two years.

Everyone. My life is a mind-numbing cesspit of despair and self-loathing. Just fuck off. Or else write back and we’ll make love. Gentleman, 37.

Your link for the rest is here.

I know you're busy, but it's really worth checking these every month.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a hangover which requires my attention. But before I go, I got you something. Happy Saturday!