Recipe

Entertaining breeds nervousness. There's no feeling quite like having 8 people due to show up in 10 minutes, and you realise that you've forgotten to a) buy the lamb b) turn on the oven or c) wear pants.

I'm prepared for tonight, but with my mind turned to all things culinary, I thought it might be time to share with you a recipe which I have devised myself over the past couple of days.

Seared Bookseller

You will need:

1 bookseller, pre-warmed.
1 pair thin pants (I use cotton, but most synthetics will work too)
Underpants or boxer shorts (optional; DO NOT use silk)
1 forklift chair with vinyl cover
Direct sunlight (40-45 degrees Celsius)
1 Urgent Situation Requiring Forklift

Directions:

Move the forklift so that the sun shines directly onto the vinyl seat. Leave to stand for one hour.

Meanwhile, clothe bookseller in underpants and pants and set to work.

When seat is warmed, deploy Urgent Situation Requiring Forklift. An incoming delivery is an ideal scenario.

Quickly insert bookseller into vinyl seat and flash fry for 30 seconds. Ignore screaming - it will not affect the finished product. Hastily remove and inspect searing. You should see a large amount of red/blue flesh in the affected area.

NB. Distraction and surprise at pain will combine to produce best results.